Tuesday, April 01, 2008

other stuff British people like

1. Rub on tans: All evidence to the contrary, the natural skin tone of a British woman is not orange. This fruity hue is merely the result of layer upon layer of Johnson & Johnson Holiday Skin.

2. Instant coffee: Never accept a cuppa from a Brit if there is no cafetiere in sight. No British kitchen (except mine, and probably hers) is complete without a jar of Nescafe tucked in the larder.

3. Currants: Due to an unfortunate food poisoning + ribena incident years ago, the very smell of blackcurrant makes me queasy (black wine gums being the sole exception). It's unfortunate since, in Britain, so many good things include currants and they are packed with vitC. Jellies, syrups, cordials, scones, biscuits and icecream - you can find 'em on nearly every UK grocery shelf, and yet they never really gathered a following in N.America.

4. Bebo: Still giving even Facebook a run for its money, Bebo is the social networking site of choice for British college kids. Or at least it's what all my students were doing during my lectures last term...

5. Shaun of the Dead: or pretty much anything touched by Simon Pegg - Hot Fuzz, Run Fat Boy Run and even the dreadful (yet much beloved) Spaced. Shaun of the Dead is admittedly funny, but speak to a British film buff and you may come away convinced he's next in line for knighthood.

6. Cork placemats: no fancy dinner is complete without this table setting. Essentially a glorified coaster, these placemats are too small to catch the food that invariably falls from my plate (Brits are neater?) rendering them pointless since British food is typically tepid.

7. Uniforms: Brits like to know their place in society, so they make it really easy by the proliferation of uniforms. What in Canada is restricted to private schools, hospitals, cop shops and MacDonalds' kitchens extends here to reception desks, beauty salons, fitness centres and banks.

8. Hard candy: There are entire aisles at the supermarket dedicated to humbugs. Even when I was young enough to not care that sugar is bad for me, i still turned my nose up at hard candies, but the brits love them. There is an old man called Davie who comes into Starbucks every day with a pocketful of sweets, asks if I've been good and puts a sneaky candy in my palm. As a result, behind the til at Starbucks on Union Street one will find a stockpile of Fox's Glacier mints. Help yourself.

9. Milky tea and scones: Not just a stereotype!

10. Marks and Spencer: this eponymous department store is often said to be the great British equalizer - it doesn't matter if you're the Queen or a miner; they all get their underwear at Marks & Sparks.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shaun of the Dean? Is that the name of the sequel?

Amanda Lee Smith said...

hee hee, oops freudian slip. I'll fix it, eagle eye. Glad to know you're not just skimming!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post... I say 'yes' to Shaun of the Dead, good tea, and Marks and Sparks. Say a big Heck No to instant coffee, rub on tans, currants, hard candy....etc etc etc. Lets just say, I'm not dying to live back in the UK.

Anonymous said...

Orange fake tan - you have got to wonder what people are thinking. I took a few days for me to realise but the whole time I was in Berlin I didn't see one person who was orange.