Most Fridays I work at home, but as I may have mentioned in the past, I have a short attention span, so I quite often do what every well-meaning but unfocussed writer does: I go to Starbucks.
This past week I settled in at the only good Starbucks in Oxford, sneakily tucked in the back of Borders, far from the madding (tourist) crowd, and devoid of English-exchange-baristas, frequented only by a few savvy students, intellectual expats, and apparently, Oxford's homeless.
As I hammered out mindless newsbriefs I noticed a local crazy lady (I know this is a horribly un-PC term, but there's no other way to say it), sipping a £3 latte - as the British homeless are apt to do - and developing a frothy milk mustache on top of her already existent mustache. Unfortunately, she noticed me at the same moment, put down her latte and hobbled across the shop, extending an open bag of Fox's Glacier Mints...
Crazy Lady: Do you want a sweetie?
ASR: No thank-you, I don’t like mint candies.
CL: …I like your… pancakes… in America.
ASR: Oh, well, I’m Canadian, but I like the pancakes in America as well.
CL: You’re Canadian? I like the Canadian singer. Can you give my love to her when you go back?
ASR: Well there are lots of Canadian singers.
CL: Well I like the Canadian one. I have all of her records. What’s her name again?
ASR: Do you mean Celine Dion? [a safe, if humiliating bet]
CL: Yes, will you send my love to her when you see her?
ASR: Well, she lives on the opposite side of Canada [forget even trying to explain the whole Vegas show thing], so it’s not very likely that I’ll run into her.
CL: Okay, have a safe trip home, and send my love to everybody. In Canada.
ASR: Thanks, I’ll do my best.
CL: I have to go now…[thoughtful pause]… Do you need any help with your computer? [reaches for it]
ASR: No, no I’m just fine!
CL: You’re a WHIZ KID!!!
SFGirl Says Farewell.
2 years ago
